Staying active through all the ups and downs

I will never forget the first time I heard about CrossFit. 

My then-boyfriend, now husband, Josh, had joined this new gym down the street. It was called TwinTown, and they specialized in CrossFit. The only time I’d ever seen anything about “CrossFit” was at my mega big box gym, where “Please no CrossFit workouts” were posted in the weight area. Josh would proclaim, “The workouts are great! I almost puke every time! You should go!”

LOL, yeah, can’t wait. Sounds fun.

Fast forward four years, and I was still dating this guy. He said the gym was starting a workout program in the park. Just body weight workouts, none of that clanging barbell stuff I’d seen and heard through an open garage door. 

Ah, what the hell. I gave it a whirl, and I really liked it. Eventually, I graduated to workouts in the regular gym, clanging weights and all. 

Over the past six years, TwinTown has seen me through many life stages. There were pre-wedding workouts, motivated by both trying to maintain my sanity and maybe help my arms and back look strong AF in my dress. Then, through 29 weeks of my first pregnancy. I sorta-kinda tried to get after it postpartum, which was challenging with a baby, but I showed up sometimes. The day before I found out I was pregnant with kid #2, I’d signed up for a six week bootcamp with Nia. Despite morning sickness, I signed up for another six weeks. I was feeling good.

And then, I wasn’t. 

Exhausted, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and probably a little depressed, working out felt impossible. I’d try to get out on walks with the dog, or do a quick and easy yoga YouTube video, but I was half-assing it.  

Baby Clark was born June 4, 2018 via C-section—my second C-section in 2 years. After getting the clear to workout from my doctor at six weeks, I for sure did not workout. I’d keep telling myself I just had a baby. I'm too tired. I don't have time. 

The truth is, I'd been too embarrassed to go back to the gym. I weigh 40 pounds more than I did pre-kids. My workout clothes barely fit, my hormones are all sorts of messed up, and I could barely do a sit-up because my abs are as weak as a cup of church basement coffee. 

I live a few blocks from TwinTown, and I’d actually avoid walking by when I could because I felt ashamed. 

One day last month, I’d had enough. I was feeling bad about myself. Instead of running through all the excuses of why I shouldn’t workout (it’s too hard, I’m not strong enough, etc.), I just showed up.

The hardest part was getting there. Once I showed up, it was awesome. I dialed back all the exercises. I made an effort to not constantly talk about my weight and I tried to ignore the fact that my boobs barely fit in a sports bra. TMI? Don’t care!

Nobody cared about what I looked like, or that I had to tweak every move. The only person who cares is me, so it's about damn time I just get over myself, check my ego and start making nice with my new mom bod. 

I’ve been trying to hit up the gym 2-3 times a week for the past month. I am loving the Move track workouts, which aren’t intimidating for someone like me who took a… “sabbatical.” My head is clearer, I’m happier, and more patient with my kids and husband. 

What’s more, I’ve been reminded of the reason I fell in love with TwinTown in the first place. Nope, it’s not because I love CrossFit. I mean, I like the general vibe of the workouts, but you’re not going to see me trying to RX “Murph,” ever. I love the community. Not one time since joining the gym in 2013 have I ever felt judged or unwelcome. I’d forgotten how good you guys make me feel. Aw, shucks.

So to the person out there who keeps thinking about coming back: just go. Don’t over think it, don’t make excuses, and for god’s sake DO NOT look at the workout beforehand! Show up. Dial it back so you aren’t so sore that you have to literally fall into every chair you sit on for the next week. The only thing holding you back is yourself.